Love & Connection

If I open my heart, will I get hurt?


When we talk about opening our hearts we usually bring in the words unconditional love. Hmmm, not easy! Everyone on their conscious spiritual journey has, at some stage, put unconditional love on their wish list. (By the way, all lives are, of course, following a spiritual path albeit in a less aware way.)

Recently, I have been giving some considerable thought to unconditional love. I have come to the conclusion that it’s actually an almost impossible task to be in the state of unconditional love – in fact on Earth it’s a very rare commodity! So why would we seek something that we have such little chance of obtaining? Why are we searching a state so rare that we are setting ourselves a huge task to attain it for ourselves? Instead, I prefer to have the goal of acceptance without judgment.

Then there is the matter of opening your heart, another goal that we seek and one that I personally teach with a passion. My daughter raised this point with me the other day: “I don’t want to open my heart fully as when I do I always get hurt”. This is a fair point and one that comes up from time to time when I discuss the importance of opening your heart.

First of all, I truly believe that you cannot achieve real joy if your heart is closed. Joy and happiness are states that require a sense of connection to spirit and higher vibrations which can come from nature, the beauty of birth, music, art, trust, friendship etc. You can’t get the benefit of these vibrations, these wonders of life, without opening to them.

What about creating joy within and forgetting about outside influences and energies? Well, joy and happiness are high vibration energies and although you can create them within yourself, it’s highly unlikely that you will do this without accepting yourself first — to accept yourself you have to open your heart centre fully, even if it is only to yourself! The heart centre doesn’t abide in one state for all situations – it has many spheres and we can be open or closed to the many different aspects of our lives.

You might also wonder  about your relationships with other people – can you open your heart totally and fully to them without reservation? It would be great if you could. If we lived in a world where everyone lived in integrity, where everyone valued and respected everyone else, it could be possible but we live in a world where there still is self-serving and instant gratification, as well as fear and distrust.

In this world, we have to be savvy, to be street conscious, smart about who we trust and who we allow close to us. A member of my Facebook page recently wrote that she opens to people she respects and who inspire her which seems wise to me.

The way I see it is that we need to be discerning about who we allow close into our hearts but that doesn’t mean to say that we keep our hearts closed.

My solution — and it works for me — is to open my heart so that I am able receive love from wherever it may come. I open my heart to give — and I give my love in the form of acceptance without judgement — whenever and wherever I can. This can be sorely tested at times but hey ho! I am up for the challenge.

I use boundaries and shutters to keep myself from being completely conned, taken for a mug, used or dominated. The boundaries are those of saying “no” when I feel it’s not to my best interest to say “yes” and the shutters are those that I pull down when someone has let me down. I will still send love to them but I don’t let them get into my inner circle where they could use, abuse or trample over me.

In the situation of finding a partner that suits you, my advice is quite simple. Open but use boundaries and shutters, and select who you let come close with discernment. Only allow close those who make you feel good about yourself and who treat you with respect and non-judgmental acceptance. It worked for me.

Some of the men I met wanted to change me – so I said goodbye. Some wanted to use my money (I had some then) – again, goodbye. Some wanted to have me without any commitment – goodbye and so on… and on and on. It wasn’t until I was 39 that I found a partner who treated me with respect and acceptance. Still, it was worth waiting for – we are about to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary!

So open your heart but only let close those who deserve your complete and trusting commitment otherwise keep them at arm’s length and step back. Good luck!


 This article was first published on Anne’s personal blog and can be viewed here.

{Photo: Alan Levine / Flickr}

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Anne Jones

Anne Jones

Anne Jones is an author, healer and spiritual guide who physically resides in Hampshire, England but whose heart lives all around the world. She started her healing journey in 1992, and through many workshops and retreats, has worked with countless people to understand their spiritual paths, heal trauma, reclaim their confidence, self-esteem and love. She has also authored six books, created meditation and healing CDs, a range of healing symbol jewellery and oracle cards. Anne is now connecting to even more of the world by sharing her healing methods and teachings through the Internet. Connect with her through her website, her personal blog where she shares spiritual musings and answers readers’ questions, via her many YouTube videos and on Facebook.

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