Of friendship and love
As I sit here, under a half-speed wooden ceiling fan in the late afternoon, sipping hot tea on a 90-degree sunny Southern California day, reflecting on different dreams — those while I’m awake and those while I slumber asleep — and caressing my pup, I receive the sweetest and most heartfelt text message.
It’s from my friend, my old lover — he catches me at the oddest times of the day and the most humbling moments of the week.
Things are more than different for us now. Gone is the ugliness that prevailed during the final months of our togetherness, perpetuated only through feelings of abandonment and intense love and a best friendship that would never leave. We went through the wringer on every issue that couples face when life is falling apart: It was the norm for clothes to be torn down from closet hangers and thrown to the floor in a crying frenzy, knowing one partner has made a final decision to exit. It happened more than a few times; it happened the moment a word was uttered about one foot going out the door.
We were emotionally disconnected and incredibly naïve on the makings of life, yet we set about to discover what the constant tug was at our big beating hearts. We never came up with anything in the throes of all that, and yet, here we are years later knowing that we will still always be good friends in respect and love.
My cheeks have an enormous smile knowing this. It took what felt like eons for me to notice the deep hurt one soul can experience when we are in the muck of messiness. Being on the other side, or out of the torrential volcanic hole of broken hearts, is truly a breath of fresh air. Now, it’s like nothing has changed and yet everything has changed too.
Best friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, work mates, all of it: we come together with a common feeling and thread of connection.
We change and leave and move on along that very same thread. In true friendships, there are no childish rants of what about me? or will I see you again? These are the feverish thoughts brought on by deep insecurities. My best buddies have an innate sense and maturity of understanding that there is no time between us. We pick up when we know it’s the proper time.
We call or visit when the spirit moves us, and it usually does when the vibration is felt from the other side too. I will often revisit with my lepidolite crystal pendulum — if it swings into the “yes” position with people and their intentions, I know things are right. If it swings into “no” I will do a meditation on the answer within, and go from there. However kooky it may sound, simple things like this resonates with me.
Harmony is a big deal in friendships and love. No two people or sounds or hearts are alike, yet the sweet blend of coming together makes for an awesome musical symphony.
Friends are a godsend. For better or for worse, we rest in our hearts with the feeling that there is no greater joy than a close strand that keeps the fires burning between two people. We don’t need to question why things proceed the way they do between friends — an alignment with other beings is something which doesn’t need to be viewed with scrutiny or doubt. We are who we are, and that’s all we will be.
If I ever feel as though I’ve dropped the ball on a friendship, it calls for reassessment of my own values and respect. Some friends remain and cruise along with no worries; others might need a bit more massaging of egos, mine and theirs. I may be more selective with some, while others meld for eternity. Those are the special ones, who come with a bond that only becomes more free and raw and real.
As I’ve become older, self-acceptance has become greater, which also raises the bar on people I want to spend time with. There are litmus tests for whether a friendship will endure in a never-ending circle with me. Honesty is by far the number one quality for determining if someone will be a friend forever. Humour ranks up there too. Being fair and truthful about everything under the sun towards those I love is always more than desirable.
When deception occurs or secrets within the authentic relationship of a friendship comes to light, I get a visceral gut response. However the “getting along” evolves, there’s no guarantee that those friendships may mature or endure.
The lasting mark of a real friend is of someone who goes through all of these changes. In these instances, there really is no time limit. What’s more important is who is willing to talk about the deep one-on-one stuff, who is listening, who is supportive, who understands, who respects everything about the other, who harbours no judgments, who bares their soul: these are the makings of friends and love.